Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
