I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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