I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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