so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
