saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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