She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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