I feel great
I just peed on a car
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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