I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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