glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
