There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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