i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
