I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
