Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
