Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
