Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
