So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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