When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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