90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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