my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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