Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
