I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
