he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
