It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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