I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
