he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
