I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
