id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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