i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
