no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I need moral support for this bender
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
