Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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