he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
