I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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