apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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