worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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