Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
