Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
