WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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