I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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