Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
