I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
