i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
