Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
