the condom got lost in my hair
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
