when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
someone threw a dead crab at me
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
