yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
