I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
