Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
