Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
