The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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