I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
PANTIES FOUND
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
