the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
