No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Welp...herpes.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
