you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
