my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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