Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
