Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
